An Uppy Downy Way of Changing Your Behaviour

I started thinking about this strategy or NLP technique to address my own eating too many sweet things. Many of us here in Dalyan have resorted to serial baking. People who tell me they have never baked before have been baking scones, poğaca (say poatcha - a kind of Turkish bun either plain or in the case of the ones our neighbor made with white cheese and olives), cakes, biscuits and more. No flour shortage here.  Some cafes are starting up deliveries, because they can’t open yet and some others have been enterprising for the past couple of months.  As a ‘captive it’s a little hard to resist because there’s not much else to do and in addition we feel we should contribute to these people, who being self-employed need to earn as the state here does not provide for them. That said their friends do and will. It is part of the Muslim faith to care for others and to share, even if you don’t have much yourself.

 

This technique came to my mind and for the life of me I can’t remember what the ‘proper’ name is. In addition to sharing this technique I thought I might share the story from the yet unpublished Birko Book Two (Book One is mentioned on my profile on LinkedIn). Both books were the result of two years’ work carried out with the whole of Portknockie Primary School, in the North of Scotland.  The main characters, Birko and his family and his head teacher feature in both books, Rory featured in this story is a new addition in Book Two, along with his family.  I suspect parts of their story will be relevant to many people currently. All strategies featured in both books were used with great success with children from age 5 years up to age 12 years.

 

Rory is about 9 years old, Birko 11 years old. Mrs Mueller is Birko’s Gran (she bakes a great deal amongst other things, because she is a wise woman and knows when cakes are needed). Mr Taylor, her friend, a farmer who speaks Scots, as do many people in Dunnock where the primary school is. Dunnock can be a cold and windy place. Miss Machin is the head teacher.

 

 

Rory Does Something Terrible

 

Just after the start of the half term before Christmas at school, just about Halloween time, Rory was having a bad day. (I know, again)

‘Nobody likes me. Nobody wants me. Everybody hates me. Can’t do anything right.’ were all phrases going through his head. He stood against the wall near the boys’ toilets, arms folded, scowling.  His teacher Miss Flett had told him off.

Suddenly a thought came into his head.  Do you know what it was? Can you think what he decided to do?

He looked around.  No one was near him; in fact it was very quiet. Everyone seemed to be at the other end of the school.  He moved forward, cautiously, creeping on the balls of his feet and he peeked, making sure no one was in the school office.  He seized his chance and guess what he did? He pulled on the lock of the main door and opened the main door of the school with all his strength and he ran.

He ran across the main road, without looking. He ran down past the bowling green. He ran down the path. He just ran.  The wind was, as so often at this time of year in Dunnock, biting. It was coming in off the Moray Firth.  There was some rain in the wind.  Mr Taylor would say it was ‘sparking rain’.  Rory did not care.  He ran. The wind bit into his ears.  He had left his hat at school. The rain prickled on his bare arms. He had no jacket or jumper on, just his short sleeved polo shirt. And he ran.

Rory had tears in his eyes, his fists were bunched up tight, his shoulders up round ears and he was so mad.  Mad with the world and mad at everyone.

Suddenly a big arm appeared in front of him, and a big hand grabbed hold of the collar of his polo shirt and someone was trying to stop him. Rory lashed out with fists and kicked with his feet.  He was so mad now he was crying. So mad he couldn’t even say anything. His face turned red, red as a beetroot.  And he spluttered and struggled and he kicked.

The hand and the arm turned Rory round and Rory realised there was a pair of big brown cord trousers, topped by a checked shirt and hairy arms and as he looked up.  And, well, as he looked up, he began to calm down.

 

‘Well?’ asked a voice from above coming out of a bemused looking face (A face that was trying to be serious but was almost beginning to smile. Can you guess who it might be?)  ‘Well, young man, where did you think you was goin’?

 

‘I, I,’ Rory looked down at his feet he suddenly felt being cheeky or being angry was not the right thing to do.  This person was a person for whom he had, what was it again that word?  Oh yes ‘respect’

 

‘It’s nae good lookin’ at them there plimsolls,’ said the voice, ‘them’s not goin’ give you an answer.  Rory look at me, where do you think you was goin’?  It’s cald, it’s rainin, you’ve nae got a jacket, you’ve nae got a jumper and you’ve got plimsolls on.’

 

Rory looked up at Mr Taylor and you know what? Rory cried, in fact he sobbed.  ‘Mmm,’ said Mr Taylor still holding onto Rory’s collar.  ‘Mmm,’ and he scratched his head with his free hand.  ‘Come with me,’ and he offered Rory his free hand to hold and let go of his collar and holding on tight to Rory’s hand  he marched (no other word for it) briskly back up the path.

Lots of things were jumbling through Rory’s head and he was crying.  ‘Here,’ said My Taylor, offering Rory his big man sized hanky, ‘take this, mind it’s a bit full o muck, bin repairing the tractor.’ 

 

Rory realised they had turned off the path and were now marching down the path to someone’s house.  Mr Taylor banged loudly on the door, then opened it (people rarely locked their doors in Dunnock during the day).  It was warm in the house, Rory had no idea where he was, he was still crying.  ‘Agnes, Agnes, is yee in?’ shouted Mr Taylor.

Agnes, Agnes thought Rory, who’s Agnes? In the doorway a figure appeared, through his tears Rory realised he recognised the figure.  Mrs Mueller (Agnes was her first name remember that?) looked first at Rory, then at Mr Taylor.

‘Tea and juice then. Erm, no. Hot chocolate?’ she asked and looked down at Rory.  Rory nodded, hot chocolate he hadn’t had breakfast that morning. There was no cereal and no bread in the house. There was never very much money in the house and they’d all gone to school hungry, as so often happened.  ‘Come away into the conservatory,’ and she disappeared again.  On the way to the conservatory Mr Taylor put his hand round the bathroom door, retrieved a towel and took Rory though to the conservatory.  He dried Rory’s hair with the towel and pulled a blanket off the back of the couch (he was still holding onto Rory) and giving Rory the blanket, said ‘wrap this around you and sit down on the couch.’  Rory sat down, because when people for whom you have respect tell you to do something, you do what they tell you to.

Rory did as he was told, he was quite bewildered, you know not too sure what was happening here. One minute he was running away to who knows where and now he couldn’t believe it.  He was in Mrs Mueller’s conservatory, where it was warm and the house smelled nice. It smelled of... well can you guess what it smelled of?

Mrs Mueller reappeared with two mugs of tea, a mug of hot chocolate for Rory and three plates of ... you guessed, it smelled of cake.

 

‘Here Rory,’ said Mrs Mueller, ‘fresh carrot cake just out of the oven, eat.’  Rory looked a little surprised, but he knew from Birko that Birko’s Granny was not like other people (other people would have asked loads of questions, told him off, or taken him back to school, or shouted) so he ate whilst Mrs Muller watched him thoughtfully.  In the background he was just aware that Mr Taylor was talking. Rory heard from far away, but he didn’t really hear it, ‘Aye, aye, that’s right, his lordship was runnin’ down the Maggot Path. Aye Brenda, aye that’s right.’  Then Mr Taylor put his head round the door and looking at Mrs Mueller said, I told Brenda, she kens he’s fine. I’m away to see the beasts, a heifer’s missing.’ And he left.

Rory realised, because his Granda was a farmer, that if a heifer was missing and Mr Taylor had spent time on him, then he realised Mr Taylor thought he Rory was worth bringing round to Mrs Mueller’s instead of taking him back to school. Rory felt warm and wanted. In spite of that Rory was careful. He could be in trouble, he thought he’d heard Mr Taylor mention Brenda. Brenda was that not Miss Machin’s’ name?

Rory sat and hugged the mug of hot chocolate and gazed thought the window.

Mrs Mueller then asked, ‘so how did it happen?’ And then without waiting she added, ‘how did it happen that you were running down the maggot, in your plimsolls, without a jacket and being very cross I hear? And I think you’re supposed to be in school. How did that happen?’

Rory thought and Mrs Mueller gave him time to think. After he had thought for a while and Mrs Mueller was watching him, Rory looked at her and said, ‘I’ve thought lots and I’ve thought about when I told you I couldn’t be bothered.’

‘Ah yes’, said Mrs Mueller and nodded and looked at Rory a little like his Granda’s dog Cloud looked at him, thought Rory.

‘And,’ said Rory, ‘I was angry, angry cos people at home tell me they can’t be bothered, and there was no breakfast, again. And cos Miss Flett told me off and cos my Mum and Dad are arguing again and lots of stuff.’

‘Okay,’ said Mrs Mueller, ‘first are your clothes wet?’

‘Umm a bit,’ said Rory noticing for the first time that the rain had perhaps been wetter than he thought and wondering if he was going to ‘be in bother’ (Scots for trouble) for getting the blanket wet.

‘Well I’ll get some spare clothes of Josef’s, he’s about your size and he’s in your class too isn’t he? And you can get changed.’

Oh, thought Rory, Josef the one who never gets into trouble, the clever one, the one in a higher reading group than everyone else, the good swimmer, the good football player, the one who always gets house points. Rory had forgotten that Josef was also a grandson of Mrs Mueller, he was Birko’s younger brother.

Mrs Mueller came back into the conservatory handed the clothes to Rory and winked at him and said, ‘go in the bathroom and get changed leave your wet clothes on the floor.  And by the way Josef is very badly behaved at home.’

Rory went into the bathroom thinking it’s true she can read minds.

When he came out feeling dry, with a tummy full of hot chocolate and carrot cake, Rory and Mrs Mueller chatted.  They chatted about getting angry and they chatted about not having breakfast and Mrs Mueller said that if there was no breakfast the children from his family were to come round past (Scots for come to) her house for toast or porridge (no sugary cereal in her house of course).  And Mrs Mueller being Mrs Mueller gave Rory lunch and she showed him how to do a technique to change the way he behaved so that he didn’t get mad any more.  She said it was called the uppy downy technique.

Like to learn it? It’s at the bottom here.

 

By the way after lunch, which was soup and a cheese sandwich, Miss Machin collected Rory and took him back to school (it was a spare school uniform of Josef’s that he had on).  And Miss Machin’s first name is Brenda and Rory looked at Josef in a different way since he’d heard from his Granny that he was badly behaved, perhaps he was alright after all, like his brother Birko?

About the technique

We usually work with children with a Guide, the one who reads the technique out loud to the Explorer and a child who watches or observes, All children take part in turn.

This technique - The Uppy Downy Exercise -  allows you to create new behaviours and run them through in your mind before actually trying them.   This process allows you to systematically build up an internal representation, in the three main sensory systems (seeing or imagining, hearing or listening and feeling) , of the particular behaviour you want. It works because the unconscious mind has no way of telling the difference between a 'real' event and something you imagine vividly.

 

The Uppy Downy Exercise

 

The guide asks

Is this a change you want to make?

 

The guide asks

What is this change you want to make?

 

The explorer tells the guide what the change is

 

The guide then says and checks that the explorer is doing what the explorer says leaving a pause after each line, full stop and comma on the page:

Look down to your left.

Talk to yourself.  Ask yourself “How do I want to behave differently? And say to out loud what it is you want to do differently.” 

 

Guide as you say the last sentence point up to the explorer’s right (opposite side to where they have been looking) and make sure they are looking up to their right

 

The guide says

See yourself like on a TV screen doing that new thing you want to do that is different. Notice what you look like and what any other people who are there look like.

 

The guide says to the explorer

Look down to your right

Step into that new thing you are doing and feel how it is.   Check if you need to adjust the new behaviour.

 

The guide says to the explorer

Do all this again so that you’ve done it three times.

Do you need to improve or adjust anything?  Watch what happens, listen out for objections, and then check what it feels like to do this new thing.

 

The guide says to the explorer

What’s that like now?  How do you feel? What do other people think? Do you need to change anything to make it even better?