Taking Charge of Yourself

Response-ability

 

In this global crisis we can choose how we act and react to what is happening around us. We are all response-able. That is, able to respond.

The question is are we responding in a useful manner for ourselves and those closest to us? Or are we running round like headless chickens and blaming everyone else or making up interesting reasons for why we are doing what we are doing.

It’s difficult for all of us, whether we are parents of children who just are not able to understand that there is problem that affects all of us and that this virus can be a killer. Whether we are on our own and missing company and intelligent conversation or just missing getting out to meet up with others. Or are we ‘locked down’ with a partner and if we’ve refrained from arguing, fighting etc., then we are doing really well.  Are we struggling because we have no income, a lower income, an uncertain work future, being pressurised to return to work early, and more? 

I mean it’s a nightmare isn’t it? Or it can be, yet  …….

We are all response-able, that is able to respond.  No one makes me do something – i.e. no one makes me angry, upset, no one ‘tires you out’ (as my mother used to say to me ‘you tire me out’ what she really meant and in her later life she did say, was ‘I don’t want to listen to this any more but I feel I have an obligation as you are my daughter’). 

It’s all our own reaction.  We can choose to react or not, because we are thinking human beings. 

But how? Perhaps you are asking how? 

Well notice that you start to react to something and ask yourself ‘what do I want instead?’ - when you've found that something you would like instead, a better reaction ( a good and useful state is what we call it in NLP[1]), then first create a ‘space’ - imagine a gap, a void between you and that thing, the other person, take a mental step back from the situation and BREATHE (how many times do you forget to breathe?).[2]

Then see, hear or feel what you would like instead – a desert island, an empty beach, the sound of waves, a piece of music, a CD track you really like, feel calm, feel peaceful, feel happy instead.

Then notice what it takes for you to create or re-create that sight, that sound, that feeling – you might need to practise it several times (only perfect practice makes perfect by the way).  Then ‘anchor’ this sight, sound or feeling in some way – ‘anchor’ means fix it in place.  Fix it so that you can recall this anchor at any time. Anchor for example whilst you are thinking about this sight, sound or feeling, anchor by pressing your index finger and thumb on one hand together, or pinch one earlobe.  Then when something that in the past ‘stressed you out’ happens press your finger and thumb together or pinch your earlobe to re-create this relaxed, happier, useful state. (These actions are easy to do, because in everyday life we do fiddled with our hands and earlobes, it can become a natural reaction.)

I promise you, that if you practise, and when you do something about your reaction you can change the way you react and those things that have been happening that have been annoying you, will seem different and life will become easier.

There is one problem with NLP you have to actually do something about making the change – no one can do it for you (otherwise you are just a zombie) – you have to want to make the change, and then just do it!

It is that simple - taking response-ability.

 

I am aware that I have published a version of this blog at least 11 years ago and it is still very relevant now.

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[1] NLP is a set of advanced communication skills. These have been identified through the study of top people in any field – those who are excellent at what they do. By understanding and modelling their thinking and behaviour patterns, this approach argues that you can achieve the same positive results. 

 

[2] It takes practice, sometimes several times, to learn a new behaviour.