Are you a Distracter? a Placater, a Blamer or a Computer? Or?

The Satir Categories

Last time I mentioned the Satir Categories, well the Blamer.  So here a little more on these categories.  What I think is interesting about Virginia Satir is that she was a family therapist, so why mention her in the context of work or community?  Well we often spend more time at work than with our families so work becomes our family. This also applies to living in a small community. Sobering thought.

Virginia Satir was one of the people modelled in the early days of NLP.  She was a highly effective family therapist. Virginia identified, in her book People Making, the following behaviours; they are not exclusive to dysfunctional families.  We can notice these categories and behaviours everywhere.

Virginia identified four behaviours that were responsible for many conflicts and one used for resolving conflict and bringing people together.

There is an NLP Presupposition or Operating Belief ‘Mind and body are part of the same system and what effects one affects the other’.  For example if you hunch up when sitting at the PC and trying to meet a tight deadline, you will feel stressed and then that stress will manifest itself physically in your shoulders, back, or elsewhere.  Our bodies react to whatever changes our minds go through and vice versa.

Your body gives signals to other people and sometimes people will read these signals incorrectly.  However when you create a smokescreen and gloss over your problems in your mind, others will intuitively know that something is incongruent and their reaction to us may not be the one we intended, they might ‘write us off’ or they might ‘treat us in a way we didn’t want’. 

 

Look at me

Distracter

Distracters seek attention to compensate for their feelings of loneliness or inadequacy.  The positive intention (‘all behaviour has a positive intention’ - another operating belief) behind this behaviour is to protect them from facing up to things.  Distracting behaviour includes removing a hair from your jacket while talking, sabotaging a conversation by making a joke, interrupting a conversation, frequently changing the subject.  There are many types of distracting behaviour that people use to deflect attention from a subject that may be reminding them of their feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.  (Over time this becomes a pattern and they are not consciously aware of what they are doing)

 

Placater

The placater is out to please – talking in an ingratiating way, never disagreeing and always seeking approval.  Feelings of an inability to cope alone create a martyr or ‘yes man’ (or woman!).  A placater is often the first person to accept blame when things go wrong.   (Over time this becomes a pattern and they are not consciously aware of what they are doing)

 

Blamer

See the previous blog post;)

 

Computer

Computer-like behaviour is very correct and proper but displaying no feeling.  The voice is dry and monotone and the body often very still and precise in its movements, which are at minimal - masking a feeling of vulnerability.  (Over time this becomes a pattern and they are not consciously aware of what they are doing)

 

And there’s the Leveller but that’s for next time

 

Remembering the Satir Categories this is by far the best place to be, it’s not always the easiest place to be. Our default behaviours are often governed by nature and nurture.