Seeking Beta Readers - Everyone Driving You Mad?

Everyone Driving you Mad?

Is the title of my latest and hopefully last self-help book.  I'm appealing (take that whichever way you like) If you are willing to help please contact me.

I am looking for 2 or 3 people (male of female) in the age bracket 29 to 44) who would be willing to read what I hope is my last ever Self-help book.

You can read all of it or just the chapters that appeal to you. I would like you to tell me what you like about or not and also if you spot any grammar errors or don't understand something, please tell me.

I'll send it to you by email as a Word document with track changes on it, you can therefore write in the document and return it to me by 27th May please.

If you give me constructive help on this when I get back to UK I will either send you signed copy as thanks.

The book is called Everyone Driving you Mad?
Here's a chapter heading overview. There are techniques to cope with life and the world.

 

Overview of what’s in the book

 

Why do you get up in the morning?

Do you think about you in all of this, whilst everyone is driving you mad? Do you have a Life Purpose that means do you know where you are going to? Can you be clear about your thoughts? I’ve used this with many people over the years, most recently with a Dave, an Isla, a Catherine and an Ian. It’s about how to become more clear about how and why you do what you do and if necessary to change your thinking or change what or how you doing things in life.

 

Like a Prayer – Communication is a Mystery

Do we all really use the same language?

Some thoughts on using language more effectively

Rachel told me that she sometimes feels she throws words out there that she understands but they don’t seem to hit the mark.  She said ‘I speak and I just pray they understand.’ We looked at what happens when we communicate, or rather when it’s received. (Although bear in mind some people are only ever on transmit, never on receive. i.e. they just don’t listen.)

 

What have I done to deserve this?

Acceptance

Possibly nothing, would be my first answer, but I like to listen first. You know, we are all really good at Time Traveling, the fact that at any given moment in time we are alive and experiencing some kind of alive experience proves that. ‘?*?*?*?’ you might be asking. These two chapters are about how to be in the here and now instead of either living in the past or thinking that things/experiences control you.

 

Six important parts of healthy relationships

What are the important parts of a healthy relationship then?  If you google ‘healthy relationship, some sites say five parts, some say less, some say more. Let’s say we prefer to stick with six parts here and look at how you can check that relationships with self or family or friends can stay healthy.

 

Don’t Turn Around

Faith came to me and told me she felt she reacted badly when her friends criticised what she put on Social Media (more on the dreaded Social Media later). Faith wanted to react in a more useful way of reacting, so that she could deal with her reactions better.

 

There’s a Rat in the Kitchen

A little more on dealing with things.  And if I haven’t planned when something happens, ie. I’m suddenly not reacting well or think I won’t?  What can I do?

 

Feeling in control of me/rebooting

Mike came to me, he wanted to know how to feel in control of himself instead of feeling that the world or his company or his friends or family were in control of him.  This is what we talked about and what I suggested to him and we worked on and he continued at home.

 

Response-ability

At any time we can choose how we act and react to what is happening around us. We are all response-able. That is able to respond. The question is are we responding in a way that is useful for ourselves and those closest to us or are we running round like headless chickens and blaming everyone else or making up interesting reasons for why we are doing what we are doing.

 

Self-management using trance

Sometimes you just want sometime to do things for you, often I find that people would like to be hypnotised. In my experience you need someone who is really well qualified to carry out hypnosis with you. The best way I and the majority of my trainees, clients friends find is creating you own trance, because we are ALL really good at trance states, you just don’t know it, yet. Here’s how to create your own trance and more importantly your own ‘downtime.’

 

A way of understanding others better

Even when we take on response-ability as a choice of new way to act and react, there will be times when other people do things we cannot fathom. When we believe we did the right thing and their response seems strange to us. Or it might be useful to understand more about why your children your partner, your boss, your colleagues act/are acting the way we are. Simply in order that we can understand others better and improve our relationships/interactions. To solve any relationship problem it is necessary to take a step outside and look at both sides and it can be done.  This chapter includes a story that although written for and initially used with Primary School children it is very applicable to adults.

 

Three dangers of valuing productivity over everything else

Some thoughts on values and what you value most in life and what happens if you place too much emphasis on some values over relationships.

 

You’ve got to be perfect – oh no you haven’t

It’s okay not to be perfect You don’t have to be the perfect person, mum, dad, partner, work colleague. You really don’t. Give yourself some slack on perfection. If others demand it from you, ask yourself is this about you or about them? There are two kinds of mountains, mountains that have been climbed before and mountains that are entirely personal.

 

Detox Time – When you say nothing at all

This actually about understanding people better by having a look at what they say and how they react to things you say and sometimes it’s best not to reply (or my advice has always been at times, just ‘run like hell’).

 

Time after time - you need to talk and to be listened to

Ever had that feeling that some people only start a conversation with you in order to tell you everything that is wrong with them or in the lives.  As someone once said to me ‘it’s better to be radiator than a drain’ or an ex RAF guy told me ‘oh now I realise many people are on transmit rather than receive’. This chapter is about good listening and how you can develop it and also notice when others aren’t ‘giving you good attention’.

 

It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it.

How to help someone who is upset and not get involved.

 

Commitment Issues.

Sorry it’s not about relationships as such, but rather about making decisions and sticking with things.

 

Internal Conflict

This lack of willingness to commit might be a conflict that is going on inside you.  Inner conflict saps energy and motivation. The good news, it can be resolved, only if you want to do that of course. By doing this you can free up time and effort that would otherwise be wasted.

 

Changing your perspective (or reframing)

I suspect there will have been many times when looking for the positive in what is happening is hard (as it can be in other times in life). Maybe a reframe would be useful or learning how to do that?

 

So last minute

Every day we are bombarded with the ‘must haves’, the ‘buy now’ (as well as the ‘unique’, the ‘new’, the ‘different’ – that’s another story).  And in these current times when a lot of what the media gives us is about doom and gloom, what do we focus on? 

 

Ooo, ah I lost my bra.

Do you spend our time on things that are important and not just urgent?

 

An Uppy Downy Way of Changing a Behavior

This chapter is about changing a behavior of your own (we can’t change other people, we can help them with this, but they have to make the change themselves). The chapter includes a story from one of my books for children. A story is good way of explaining many things.

 

Managing Your Boundaries 

Sometimes we share too much or we allow people to get too close to us. Fences allow you to protect what's valuable to you. They also allow you to control who and what enters your space.  Personal boundaries are essential for healthy relationships with family, friends, colleagues and people you come across casually (this includes social media).

 

 

A thing with Mickey Mouse

A really simple way of dealing with people who you might let have power over you or ‘push your buttons’. You don’t even have to tell them, but you will react better in future.

 

How to get someone else to do something

When other people see you are clear about your objectives and boundaries (see ‘Managing your boundaries’ chapter), they will generally not ask you to do ‘not important’ activities in the future, and at best do these activities themselves or find someone else (because you are no longer the mug who will do everything).  Would that be good?

 

 

Avoiding – what’s wrong with that?

You know avoiding is actually okay.  It’s okay to like to problems, it’s okay to talk about problems. BUT - there are people who think and say you ‘should’ use positive thinking.

How to deal with those scenarios.

 

 

How do you want to feel in your own home?

Ask yourself what could I have done with the time I spent online over the last few months that had no real productive result? Be honest here, leave out timeless browsing and all the times you clicked on something that wasn’t what you set out to look for or do.

To what extent does the state of your house impact on your ability to be there in the present and there for your family, or what you want to do for yourself?

 

Shiny Object Syndrome

My friend Josephine asked me how she should cope with Shiny Object Syndrome. I had no idea what it was until I looked up. She meant that are many things that were more inviting that what she really needed to do or had the money to do. I told Josephine about my late, great friend ‘B’ or ‘Aunty B’ as we used to call her affectionately. 

This led me to the next chapter Freeze Framing or How to Get Things Done - do you get lost in detail and not get things done? Here’s how to deal with the shiny objects.

 

Not present with children (kids)

Donny a single dad told me ‘I feel as if I’m not giving my children enough attention. I let so many other things get in the way. Some are important others probably not.

 

Tomorrow never comes

This chapter is more of an essay about the concept of time and it explains how some people can plan and others struggle with that. The ‘Timeline’ as NLP calls it is a concept that should not be messed with. You can change it but only with the help of a really, really skilled NLP Master Practitioner or Trainer. If the chapter peaks your interest in Timeline there is an exercise in the Appendices to work with negative states or thoughts.

 

Plus Appendices